As I was preparing to write this post I realized something. I sit here tonight in the only house in middle Tennessee I have called home. I’ve spent the last 10 years in this house, and tonight marks my last night here. Tomorrow is moving day and step 1 in The Process. I knew this day was coming and, while I’m ready for it, I face it with mixed emotions. It is most definitely bittersweet.
I am prepared for the move. It has been a long time coming, so I’ve had plenty of time to prepare myself, both physically and mentally. I could have moved sooner had it not been for the struggle to find a place zoned for the right schools. (That is another post for another time.) After much searching, I feel like I’ve found the right place for me. It is in a great neighborhood where both of my girls have several friends. It is small, but not too small. And, it is very nice. I’m certain I’ll be happy there, once I get used to the place.
I have actually been looking forward to moving day for some time. I realized that to begin the healing process I must first change my surroundings. Thus, step 1 is the move. Looking at that aspect of the move, it is certainly sweet. However, it isn’t going to be easy.
As I said, I have only called one house in middle Tennessee home for the past 10 years. Anytime you live in one place that long it is a little hard to move out. When you have 10 years worth of memories – watching your kids grow up, birthday parties, sleepovers, movie nights (I could go on and on) – in that house it is even more difficult. I realized a couple of days ago as I went about my normal daily routines that there would be a “last time” for each in the old house. There is no doubt I’ll develop new routines in the new place, but it will be hard going it alone. There is so much that I will miss.
- Feeding the cat and dog first thing each morning
- Kissing my kids goodbye while they are still asleep as I head out to work
- Relaxing in the recliner after a long day
- Mowing the lawn (yes, I like doing it!)
- Hugging my kids before bed each night
The list could go on, but you get the idea. There is so much I’m leaving behind that won’t be easy to let go. But, I’m trying to focus my attention toward the future, not the past. As the wise Rafiki from The Lion King said,
It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past…the past can hurt. But, the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.
By moving out and moving on I’m not running from the past. Yes, it hurts. But, I’m looking ahead to my future and learning from the mistakes of the past. I can’t change anything that has already happened, but I can prepare for a brighter future.
With that in mind I’m getting myself ready tonight to face an emotionally challenging day tomorrow. I have no doubt there will be some tears shed, but then I’ll put the past in the past and move out…and on.